A Classical Man. [ nik + caleb ]

nikolai boris reef · Subject: A Classical Man. [ nik + caleb ] December 28th 2008, 5:31 pm

Nikolai had always loved his family's ballroom. It was the one room that had not been torn down during the construction of the academy from his parent's estate. He could not bring himself to destroy the ballroom - he hadn't necessarily enjoyed his dancing lessons, but he loved the decor and old feel of the room. It seemed full of culture and history to him, even though he knew it was only designed in a mere replica of thousand year old architecture. He loved that type of decor - from the Baroque or Victorian period of England. With the wood-panneled floor and mirrored wall and lavish design, no room seemed better suited for his violin tutoring.

He was still unsure how he had ended up in the position as tutor to his young French-Canadian student. He could not say he minded very much though. He knew the boy would never spill to the entire school that their headmaster had a soft side and enjoyed light, romantic classical music. He preferred the school see him as more of a Bach-Chopin sort of fellow than a Pachelbel-Strauss sort of man. Personally, he enjoyed each of their different sounds for different reasons and moods. Seeing a large amount of his earlier self in Caleb, he did not mind taking time out of his ever-depleting free time to teach the boy how to play the violin. Glancing at his wrist watch he noted that the boy had five minutes before he would start to consider him tardy - you were not late unless you arrived after the starting time of a meeting, but you still arrived distastefully, in his mind, if you were anything less than five minutes early (though he would only be truly pleased if you arrived with ten minutes to spare), which was, in this case, right now.

caleb ryan sarcelier · Subject: Re: A Classical Man. [ nik + caleb ] December 28th 2008, 6:24 pm

Caleb had spent his entire morning picking out an appropriate outfit to wear. He took pride in anything he did, almost to the point of being obsessive compulsive. His looks above all mattered to him, how he presented himself is how people would see him, and to be formally introduced to the headmaster- even if it was simply for a violin lesson- meant a lot to him. He respected the professor even though the first time meeting him would be today. Perhaps it was the way he carried himself, or perhaps it was the mysterious way he walked, but there was something intriguing nonetheless .

He straighted the collar on his shirt, brushed a few pieces of lint off his dress slacks, and decided he was ready. He checked his wrist watch and noticed he had exactly 10 minutes to walk down to the ballroom, which would be more than enough time. He might even be early, which is exactly what he wanted. He certainly wanted to please the headmaster. Happy with himself that it took all morning to get ready but he'd still make it on time, he opened the door to his dormitory and quickly headed out. But all too soon he remembered something his father would constantly criticize him about. He'd be called a girl simply because it took him awhile to get dressed.The environment he was raised in as a child was anything less than ideal. Through the years he's carried that on his shoulders like a weight. He knew he would be nothing like his father, brother, or mother, but the coping skills he developed along the way had become apart of him. The abuse had lead to the perfectionism and the obsessive compulsiveness. If he had control over anything, it was himself. If he could please himself and do his best maybe others would be pleased with him too.

He shook these emotions away and closed the door behind him. It hit him like a wave and he refused to allow them to bring down his afternoon. He had enough insecurity issues as it was and he didn't need anymore today. As the door closed he checked his watch again, paranoid that his flashback may have taken up the entire 10 minutes. It still read 10 minutes to spare. Relieved, he laughed and sighed off the irrational fear that a memory could take a whole ten minutes. He needed to relax. That's all he needed to do.

In moments of stress, fear, or depression, music was his lullaby. His iPod was his bible and his sketch book his friend. Art was an escape from the constant need to be perfect, an escape from a world of pressure and tension. He hoped that these violin lessons could be a way to bring music closer to him on a more personal level. The ability to bring music to life excited him. If the professor could give him that gift the professor would have a friend for life.

Clair de Lune played in his iPhones as he rounded the corner to the ballroom. Building up enthusiasm, and slowly gaining confidence, he pulled out his earphones, put his iPod in his pocket, and entered the ballroom.

nikolai boris reef · Subject: Re: A Classical Man. [ nik + caleb ] December 28th 2008, 7:06 pm

For some reason Nikolai's thoughts strayed from his obsession with punctuality to his rekindled concern for his enigmatic Uncle Basil. Basil was someone who was destined from day one to make little sense to anyone and constantly remind people, merely by existing, that mistakes happen and their consequences will annoy you for the rest of your desperately repenting, sorry excuse of a life. It was true that Nik's grandparents couldn't handle their stressful little oops-child, though Otto was a hardened and honored vetran and Imogen was one of the most esteemed patronesses Germany could name. Imogen died of heart failure when Basil was twelve - the same year Nikolai was born. Proud of his eldest son, Otto succeeded in virtually ignoring his unplanned son's existence for another six years before discovering that his now adult-son was making tons of money running an underground pot dealing company. Fed up with what had become of the boy that shared his honorable last name and feeling largely responsible since he had been ashamed and ignored the boy during the most vital years of his youth, Otto prepared to send his son off to train with the military. That same night, father and son had an intense conversation - but it wasn't about joining the military. It was about how Basil was going to run off and travel with his boyfriend Franz. Franz arrived to meet the legendary Otto Reef, and ten minutes after meeting the charming and successful young landowner, Otto excused himself to the restroom where he proceeded to jump out the window and die.

Now Basil was staying with his nephew, under the agreement that he teach Herbology, which Nik found an appropriate subject for his pot-smoking, slightly insane but undeniably brilliant mess of a relative. After much debate, the headmaster also agreed to allow Basil to teach Music. He didn't mind much, being too busy himself to take on yet another class. He knew he wanted the subject at his academy, and he knew that depending on what was taught, the subject would also be controversial. If anything went wrong, considering his Uncle's reputation, he knew it wouldn't be hard to pull the Crazy Uncle card and irritate the hell out of the goverment by slipping through a loophole in their system once more. Besides, Basil could play like it was fabeled the great Mozart could, and Nikolai knew that if his uncle had enough focus to compose something, it would be phenomenal.

He was shaken from his thoughts as the ballroom door opened, and his student entered. He shook his head slightly, uprooting himself from his thoughts and glanced at his watch. He stood tall and absolutely still as he adressed Caleb personally for the first time. "Five minutes - not bad, but not good either. You press time like it cares to slow for you. Time stops for no one, dear boy, and another minute later would be absolutely distasteful - especially for a first meeting. Try getting here with ten minutes to spare next time and you shall have my respectful praise." His face softened a bit as he looked the youth over, his eyes glimmering with obvious admiration. "I must compliment your suberb style, Caleb. If your reason for treating time like a unwanted girlfriend has anything to do with your unrivaled ability to look so sharp, I must revoke my earlier disapproval. All the same, everyone could use a challenge - remember to try for ten." He winked and straightened the collar of his black longcoat. He couldn't explain why he was so attached to his jacket - but he was often seen wearing it indoors. Turning slightly, he motioned to one of the two chairs he had brought in, his gaze never moving from Caleb's person, and never seeming to blink.

caleb ryan sarcelier · Subject: Re: A Classical Man. [ nik + caleb ] December 28th 2008, 7:48 pm

As the ballroom doors swung open he saw a very sharply dressed man standing in the center of the ballroom looking down at his watch. Caleb quickly looked at his own watch and was pleased to see he had indeed made it five minutes early. He was anxious as to why the professor was looking at his watch. Was he growing impatient? He hoped the angst wasn't showing on his face as the professor glanced over at him. He turned to close the doors behind him trying to calm himself down. He shouldn't be worrying so much. He was five minutes early, he wasn't late. Time to calm down and make a good first impression. The voice of the professor echoed behind him and this grounded him. He was here for a violin lesson. Not a worry about being punctual lesson. The professor's voice sounded nice to the ear, maybe it was the acoustics. " Five minutes - not bad, but not good either." Caleb turned tensing at the words "not good either". He looked down at his feet like an upset puppy, but respectfully walked closer to the professor so the gap that lay between them would be closed. He continued to look down at his feet as the professor proceeded. " You press time like it cares to slow for you. Time stops for no one, dear boy, and another minute later would be absolutely distasteful - especially for a first meeting. Try getting here with ten minutes to spare next time and you shall have my respectful praise." Caleb's face flushed. Two minutes into meeting the man he admired and already he had disappointed him. He decided he better be a man and look the professor in the eye and formally apologize. He wasn't a child anymore and this wasn't his father. No big deal. He noticed the professors expression wasn't angry and to his surprise a compliment followed before he could apologize. "I must compliment your superb style, Caleb. If your reason for treating time like a unwanted girlfriend has anything to do with your unrivaled ability to look so sharp, I must revoke my earlier disapproval. All the same, everyone could use a challenge - remember to try for ten." The professor's wink relaxed him a bit, turning this strong man into someone more approachable. He gave a timid smile to the professor as he watched the man adjust the collar on his jacket. He couldn't be too sure since he only just met the man, but he had a feeling they were going to get along quite nicely. Which came as a relief since he wanted so badly to learn the violin. He would learn it despite who his teacher was, no one could be a worse teacher than his father. If he could come out the person he was after his father raised him, any piss poor teacher or brunt of a man could teach him violin. As he looked the professor over he knew that not only could this man teach him violin, he could hopefully teach him much more.

The professor motioned for him to bring an extra chair over, and this shook him out of his desire for a father figure. He was there for a lesson. Simple business and nothing more. He wasted no time obeying, and soon found himself sitting on a soft chair next to someone he now admired more than before. He felt relaxed, the anxiety was soon ceasing. but his nerves were still forming butterflies in his stomach. He hated meeting new people. There was a brief silence and he knew it was time to introduce himself. "Nice to" he cleared his throat, his voice sounded like a teen going through puberty. Once he was sure he found his voice he continued looking the professor in the eye "Nice to meet you professor, my name is Caleb."

nikolai boris reef · Subject: Re: A Classical Man. [ nik + caleb ] December 28th 2008, 8:39 pm

He gave a polite smile as Caleb introduced himself, allowing himself to seem more relaxed. He wasn't tense or stressed, he was just a very rigid and still person. This tended to intimidate people and so far, Caleb seemed easily worried and intimidated. He crossed his legs and picked up his violin. There was only his, of course, and they would both be using it. He tilted his head a bit, his voice softer as he spoke this time then it was when he had greeted the boy upon his entering. "Sarcelier, Caleb Ryan. Twenty-two years of age, French-Canadian. Quiet, shy, loves music, doesn't talk much. An abusive family history has lead to a bit of an asocial, general mistrust in other people. Does well in school and doesn't get out much. Potential to acheive numerous academic honors, but needs to focus on the social aspect of life, which, with a bit of tutoring, could prove popular and successful with. Did you know you had a dossier? Most people don't know that. No one knows who writes them - it is as if God himself, if we should believe in him, takes time to write an informative mini-biography of us all and is by no means stingy with His opinions and commentary. I am Nikolai Boris Reef, Headmaster and Professor. Anything you will come to know about me you will aquire through observing yourself. Trust me though, there are plenty of files written about me." He gave a disapproving frown and elected to spare the poor boy his ranting about the government. He did not know completely if Caleb could yet be trusted with such leaks of opinion, so instead he straightened himself and tucked the violin under his chin.

"I am not going to spend much time covering how to hold the instrument, though this and posture are potentially more important than any other aspect of playing. I hope that you learn mostly by example, boy. I do not pause much and get impatient quickly. But only with certain things. If you ever feel confused or behind, make yourself as you see me now." He did not model how to hold the violin or sit properly for long before he began to basically strike each tune, saying out loud each note as it was played. "I want you to try - see how many of the notes you may have caught already. I will be watching for posture more than anything. Never be afraid to look pretentious - only once have I seen a poor man play a violin, and while he played it you might have mistaken him for a king."

caleb ryan sarcelier · Subject: Re: A Classical Man. [ nik + caleb ] January 4th 2009, 9:48 pm

After introducing himself Caleb began to feel more relaxed and eased into his chair. He still maintained his posture, but the rigidness he felt from before was now gone. Since music was his outlet and the professor hadn't bitten his head off yet, he decided he should try and open up a little bit more. This was, after all, the only class that already felt less mundane than others and didn't feel hard. Hard emotionally that is. He should enjoy himself. He looked about the room and was pleased to see it was- in fact- just him and the professor. Private lessons, just as he had hoped.

As if out of no where he heard his name "Sarcelier," he turned his attention to the professor "Caleb Ryan. Twenty-two years of age, French-Canadian. Quiet, shy, loves music, doesn't talk much...." Caleb was taken back as the professor went on. He wasn't just reciting his name, as if some obscure form of attendance, he was reciting facts about him. Details people shouldn't know.- and the more details he knew about him the more personal they became. Caleb sat forward on his seat as his chest began beating faster. He wasn't sure if the beating was fear or adrenaline. How could someone he had only just met know so much about him? His defensiveness switched on and he began to get fidgety. He continued maintaining respect for his teacher, but there was anger inside. He felt vulnerable, a feeling he very much hated. As he was about to interrupt with questions the professor said " Did you know you had a dossier?" A what? He thought to himself. This uncommon word had caught his attention and he decided he had better listen. The anger was starting to fade and his chest was beating slower. The professor spoke smoothly as usual, which was good. Caleb didn't want the professor to see him fidgeting, unless he needed to. "Most people don't know that. No one knows who writes them - it is as if God himself, if we should believe in him, takes time to write an informative mini-biography of us all and is by no means stingy with His opinions and commentary. I am Nikolai Boris Reef, Headmaster and Professor. Anything you will come to know about me you will acquire through observing yourself. Trust me though, there are plenty of files written about me."

He sat back in his chair and stared at the edge of the professor's seat, confused. What was he going to do about this? How was he going to get rid of it? Not moments later- out of the corner of his eye- he noticed movement. The professor picked up his violin with such strength and poise and Caleb thought it best to stop brooding. The professor had one of these dossiers, everyone did apparently, and no one knows who writes them. He wasn't alone in this. He spared himself worry as he intently listened and carefully notated posture. He felt like he was observing much like a cat would. This was only going to be covered once. It made sense, and it shouldn't be too difficult. Posture was easily something he could practice in his dorm. It wasn't long before he heard violin notes and "A" "B" C" spoken as an overlay. He made eye contact with professor- something he scarcely felt comfortable doing. "I want you to try - see how many of the notes you may have caught already. I will be watching for posture more than anything. Never be afraid to look pretentious - only once have I seen a poor man play a violin, and while he played it you might have mistaken him for a king." The professors last words were heart warming and Caleb smiled shyly. Feeling comfortable in his surroundings now- it was time to play. The dossier topic continued to stay pressed on the back of his mind, but the excitement of holding a real violin surpassed all fears.

He confidently brought the polished instrument close to his face, tucked it under his chin, and struck the proud pose he had observed from the man before him. He sighed. "A" "B" C" He heard in his head. Bringing the bow down with such care, elbow remaining at the angle he was shown, he heard the notes ring exactly as they were played before. He did it. He looked at the professor with a gleam in his eye and a small grin. His first notes- and he played them perfectly. Something, from what he had heard from others- and from reading books- was hard to do the first time. Yet his were in tune. Pride that he could do this after all, he lowered the instrument between his legs.

The joy remained but so did his question. Jumping from this accomplishment back to a topic from awhile ago may seem weird, he knew, but it felt normal to him- and he needed to ask it now or it would continue to hang over his head.

"Professor?" He asked. "I...I don't at all mean to take away from our lesson time." He paused making sure it was clear that his lesson time was important to him, and that he knew this wasn't time for chit chat- but also making sure he knew his question was equally as important. "Could you tell me how many people know about my dossier? And how I can get rid of it? I understand everyone has one here, and that no one knows who writes them but, as I'm sure you know from reading mine, I don't like people knowing much- if anything- about me. I like to keep to myself. It's my safety net. I'm not sure I'll feel comfortable here if more than one person knows those things about me." He gave the professor a respectful, yet serious, look as if to say 'anyone else but you, sir.'

He felt great confidence in what he had said. He was strong deep down, but it was rarely brought out. He meant what he said and this was no time to act wimpy. He was concerned this information was out there. He hoped the professor wouldn't be mad at him for asking- but, brief as it was, the change in character made him feel more like the man he was; he was glad the topic was brought up. He waited cautiously for the professor's response and tried his best not to slip back into his quiet demeanor. It was time for him to grow now, and as odd as it was, he felt he could do so in these lessons; to share his voice and share his opinion. He was a quiet man, but noticing the way the professor had played those notes just the way he had, maybe there was a common ground between them.

nikolai boris reef · Subject: Re: A Classical Man. [ nik + caleb ] January 6th 2009, 4:31 pm

Before he had started to play, just in observing Caleb, he had already decided that he liked the boy. There was something familiar that he couldn't put his finger on, despite his overpowered insight. Of course, he couldn't figure it out because his connection and closeness came from deep within his own self, and it was typical of almost psychically intuitive and perceptive people to have little insight into themselves. Or perhaps they knew everything about themselves, but a mental blockade kept them from having to suffer through anything personal. It was true that Nik was not one who enjoyed referencing anything that would produce information or give insight to himself. He hated the dossiers with a passion, but also enjoyed knowing every last detail about someone. He focused his thoughts Caleb now that he was done demonstrating.

He watched with a sudden rush of pride that not only did Caleb seem to perfectly understand the pose, but that the young man had even managed to catch a few notes, and recited them perfectly. The boy seemed to be a natural, perhaps even more focused than he had been himself when he had begun lessons many years ago. He smiled, genuinely. This didn't happen very often. He was about to verbalize his pleasure when the boy began to speak.

He listened intently to every word, his expression unreadable. When he went to speak it was slow and professional. " First of all, we can spend the rest of the time relaxing and getting to know each other, if you wish, considering that you are three lessons further than I thought possible. Now, to answer your question. You cannot get rid of the dossier. It is kept by the government. They can reference it and those who run school can reference it and absolutely no one else on the planet has or will ever read them, though I suppose if you were clever and knew where to look you could probably sneak into your Headmaster's office to read whichever copy applies to whoever you are curious about." His bright eyes flashed mischieviously for a moment. "Of course, most schools are run by dogs of the government. I am fairly certain I am the only citizen with a private school yet to be infiltrated. Feel lucky, these are people you really do not want to meet. You'll see when an inspector or ambassador or some such comes to visit."

He leaned back and crossed his legs, giving the ceiling a thoughtful look. "You know, this is not something the government would approve of," He looked Caleb directly in the eyes as he finished, "But I want to make sure my students are never afraid to ask questions."

caleb ryan sarcelier · Subject: Re: A Classical Man. [ nik + caleb ] January 6th 2009, 5:23 pm

The Professor's genuine reaction pleased him greatly, he had impressed his teacher. Smiling softly he remembered hoping his lessons would come easy to him - and he could advance quickl y- but he wasn't at all expecting to be three lessons ahead. He hoped this would last.
He gave a composed, yet excited smile, to his teacher and sat back in his chair as more facts about the dossier were being offered.

He frowned as he heard the dossiers were kept by the government - and that they could never be gotten rid of. Never understanding why the government insists on throwing themselves further and further into the personal lives of it's people, he'd always make a point to stay out it. Reading books and studying about people who would protest openly about it, intrigued him, but he was not one to act himself. He was partially relived to find out that no one else but the school administration and the government could read it- at least he had SOME privacy regarding his peers. But he found it hard not to be full of angst. The government had now found an even harsher way of diminishing privacy- the dossier made an open biography and file of everyone that could be accessed at anytime. Now he knew how criminals must feel. Or anyone the FBI was suspicious of. Yet he was an ordinary man, so was Professor Reef, so were most everyone else that had a dossier.

The professor's joke lightened the situation and he let out a small chuckle as he looked back at his teacher. It felt good to relax a little more.

"I agree that most schools are run by dogs of the government. I've seen it first hand in my previous schools." He wondered if he should share his ranting about how much he despises the government - he was most certain the professor would agree but he didn't feel now was the time. It felt too uncomfortable and he'd hate to be seen as someone who only complains. Not wanting to worry about this dossier anymore he looked down at his shoes for a brief moment and back out at the room around him.

"You know, this is not something the government would approve of," "But I want to make sure my students are never afraid to ask questions." Looking the professor in the eyes he smiled once again. What an odd sensation smiling was when it had become such a rarity. Caleb agreed but that's what made it all the more fun. He enjoyed having the opportunity to hear others thoughts. He had always been such a thoughtful observer his whole life - and it felt good to have a friend of some sorts. Someone he could, when the he felt comfortable enough, share opinions with.

"Thanks professor, that means a lot."

nikolai boris reef · Subject: Re: A Classical Man. [ nik + caleb ] January 6th 2009, 7:58 pm

His expression became serious. "Boy, it is best to imagine that every word you say is heard and documented. As such, it is best to be careful what you speak of and how you speak of it. I openly discuss the government with a tone of dislike, but you will never hear me say anything that could get me arrested or killed. I have too many people to look out for to go and carelessly get myself put on their blacklist. I happen to know they loathe and detest me as it is - I would rather not give them the cause to kill me that I know they desperately seek. But I am a respected and useful member of societies elite, and it would take a lot to end me. It would take an open and indesputible act of rebellion. You, however, being a 'reckless' and 'corruptible' youth should be careful what they say. I happen to know from a friend that they have no problem eliminating potential threats. Students are usually the most verbal and adamant about their beliefs and the most likely to expect they can get away with it so long as they aren't joining a terrorist organization and attempting to blow up government headquarters or some such. But they are dead wrong. Student's are murdered all the time and used as a warning to all others. Ask Jeremiah Bentmen, a professor here. He won't like you for asking, but he will understand the need to make clear to everyone the value of discretion. Ask him about his student - the one who was brutally murdered."

Enough of this, he thought, and slid a pack of cigars from his inside jacket pocket. Zina wasn't around to chastise him for smoking at the moment, and all this negetive reflection was starting to hurt his brain. He stuck one in his mouth, flicked his silver lighter and took a large puff, inhaling deeply. He closed his eyes and held the smoke in for awhile, savoring its unique flavor. He loved cigars - they were a treat few could get their hands on these days. He didn't expect Caleb had any idea what they were, though he would obviously know you smoked them. He slid another out and leaned closer to the prodigious boy, holding one out to him between two fingers.

"Would you like to try one?" His smile revealed his childish glee for getting away with smoking for once. "They aren't like cigarettes. The chemicals are far less noticiable and these are flavored lightly of cinammon. You might enjoy them. You won't offend me if you decline - all the more for me to smuggle around MY house." He would have to find a way to nullify Zina's sense of smell or something. It was utterly ridiculous that he could no longer smoke in his own damn house.

caleb ryan sarcelier · Subject: Re: A Classical Man. [ nik + caleb ] January 6th 2009, 11:24 pm

Watching every expression on the Professor's face instilled a greater fear in him than he had felt before. Not only were there dossiers, there were murders. "If students are murdered for speaking their minds, can't others be warned to stop?" As much as he admires people who stand up for their beliefs, he's found it better to sit back and do nothing. Less confrontation and less reason for someone to mad at him. He spoke out of concern about the dossiers because that was personal information about him out there and he wondered why. But if it meant getting killed by ranting about or protesting against the government he could just as easily do that inside to himself.

He wasn't much of a talker to begin with, in fact, he had talked much more than he thought he would have. While this came as a relief at first, now he felt he had said too much. The Professor's concern for his safety here as student here meant a lot to him, but now he felt it time to stop talking. The fear was bringing him back.

As he was offered a cigar he could think of nothing more than wanting to play again. "Thank you Professor, I'm sure they're of the highest taste- but I'd much rather distract myself with music." He glanced down at the violin that was still resting against his leg and back up again. He stared feeling sick. How many people were going to die? His throat was swelling up and he needed a distraction. "Teach me more, please."

nikolai boris reef · Subject: Re: A Classical Man. [ nik + caleb ] January 6th 2009, 11:48 pm

He frowned, unaccustomed to being declined for anything. Maybe this was good for him. He didn't really care. He sensed fear, which was something he was not fond of. Unbridled fear, the kind that swells up in a person and makes them act like cowards. The kind people try and distract themselves from. This bothered him and he was reminded that he was talking to a student. He really had to stop seeing them all as adults. It was not that their intellect or talent was lesser, or that adults were superior in some way. It was simply that adults in such times were accustomed to fear and had defeated it long ago, replacing it with apathy, learning to accept the way things were, or else by succumbing to it and joining the darkness that encompassed their lives. He would really have to avoid scaring children. They were children, after all.

He studied Caleb through squinted eyes as he steeped in smoke, neither moving nor speaking for a few minutes. He simply breathed through his nose and occasionally puffed on his cigar.

Yes, he thought, you probably should be afraid. We should all be afraid, most likely. You cannot cheat fate, only alter the set path and postpone impending doom. Man does not deserve his place here, and surviving what should have wiped us out has taught us nothing and only further corrupted us. Maybe it is we who should learn from our youth, rather than force them to do as we did and accept our inevitable punishment. Maybe we should not tell you that there is nothing to fear, really, because it doesn't matter. Maybe with your fear comes a drive to change things. Maybe it isn't too late; though for us it certainly is. We've made a mess of things, we have.

"I'm sorry." He spoke aloud, with a sort of resonating calm. He took his violin from Caleb and straightened himself. "I am going to play now. Listen and when I am done, follow however you can. I do not expect the same song. My music is not your music. Just let everything flow. I don't feel like going into advanced details quite yet, I just want to play. When I give it back, simply enjoy discovering the instrument - it is an intimate time, that initial discovery. You cannot discover an instrument twice." He closed his eyes and let his soul play.