NUMINIS ACADEMY

nikolai boris reef · April 18th 2009, 10:23 pm

He was pleased with Caleb. Firstly for being willing to try the cigar, because it was the mark of a cultured person to try everything offered to them, especially by person's of class and taste. Mostly, he was pleased that Caleb had discovered that there is a time when you need to open up about your feelings, and that of all the people he might have gone to if he'd gotten to know them, he chose to go to him. It made him feel like he wasn't making such an unfavorable impression on all his students, and it made him glad that a character flaw such as his and probably Caleb's - that being internalizing everything that happened to them, good or bad - was something that could be overcome. He was impressed that someone so young could make so much progress in one day. When he first met Caleb he had figured the boy wouldn't talk to anyone really for a few days, at the very least. To know that he had almost made a friend and had found someone he could trust and confide in in one day lightened his spirits, despite the situation.

"Caleb, I'm not sure exactly what happened which brought all these feelings on. I am sure that there is more behind the way you feel about yourself and how you relate to others than whatever miscommunication you have recently had with this friend of yours. I don't expect you to tell me everything you have gone through in your youth, or even what happened that sent you here to talk to me. You can tell me if you wish to get it off your chest, but I don't really need to know to understand the core of what you are feeling." He paused and took a very long puff of his cigar and leaned forwards, placing his head in his free hand and propping his arm on his desk. "I want you to know that I can relate to how you are feeling because through a different course of life and experiences I have often felt the same result from your own life that you briefly mentioned. I know what it is like to feel like you have no one, although hopefully you know that on your worst of days you will, at the very least, have me here. If only to talk to, so long as you are comfortable enough with me to do so. But there is a time, I am sure when you probably felt as though you didn't even have someone to talk to. I often feel this way, although I have people willing to listen if my foolish pride would stop keeping me away from them. Don't close yourself off and become a stubborn man like me. I admire that you know what is best, even though you may question your actions sometimes. I know I am dragging on a bit, and I apologize. My point is that I understand. I don't keep a lot of friends because I don't really relate to most people and they can't really relate to me. I am one of those people who is different from most in ways that create a void that it is almost impossible to close the gap of. Sometimes I see an individual like yourself and I realize that while we are different, we are the same in many ways. Part of why I created this school is because I wanted to put a lot of people that didn't belong with the majority of other people together, somewhere away from the government eye. I wanted to give them a chance to recognize the individuality that set the apart from the vast majority of the rest of their species, see how it is useful and encourage them to grow as individuals, and then learn to grow with each other, work together, and coexist peacefully somewhere where I can help keep them safe. I wanted to create a safe haven where people like you can slowly open up and learn about other people and in time, make friends. I want more than anything to give the kindred youth a place where, with a little help and a lot of personal effort, they can finally feel like they belong. Unfortunately, this path will be painful, because many of us will come to terms with our differences and weaknesses at the same time. It shames us to finally realize that we are different. But with these realizations we can accept and become comfortable with ourselves, and as we do this we can relate to others easier. You are probably having a rough time because you have a lot of self discovery to do, as well as a lot of observing of the unique natures of those around you. Trust me, we may be different here - some may seem like they are the type you can never relate to - but I think the force which draws us all together is that deep down we just want to feel okay with ourselves, and that more than anything, we want someone to listen. We want someone to try and understand our own plights for the first time in our lives. Whatever happened between you and this new friend you have made, they probably just came to terms with a part of themselves, truly, for the first time. You should feel blessed that so early in your meeting they trusted you enough to express themselves with you. I am sorry that you opened up and got hurt, but this person is as afraid as you are. Some of us have secrets that are not as safely hidden so deep within us. Some of us have more obvious quirks than others. I am sure if you talk to this person again and apologize that no one understands whatever it is they are going through, they will understand that you simply don't quite understand exactly what it is they have to go through. Hopefully this person will be sorry the two of you disagreed. Remember, all of us just want someone to relate to. Sometimes we are afraid someone will react the way everyone else has previously, and so to avoid heartache we create a problem ourselves. It is easier for some people that way. But I can see by the fact that this is troubling you so much that you care about this person, and so I think that they would be worth the effort. Reach out to them again. Share something about yourself. Explain your own plight and maybe they will see the common link that ties us together. I cannot tell you how to go about your life, Caleb. But I can say that there are some people I wish I would just get over myself and talk to. Sometimes if you just tell someone how you feel, everything works itself out, even when it doesn't seem like it ever could. Nothing is ever hopeless. You may choose not to try and fix whatever happened, but I am certain you will regret it until the day you do."

NUMINIS ACADEMY

the headmaster's office

A Meeting. [ caleb + nik ]